Bryan's guide to the InTeRnEt
by Blixten
Summary: This is a funny fic were Bryan who has nothing to do really, show's you how to use the Internet! Not so sure what genre to put it in :B I do not own beyblade...yet...
1. How to CoNnEcT By Bryan :B

_Bryan's guide to the InTeRnEt :)_

_This is just something I came up with while drinking apple juice and watching some random anime on my computer. Then I opened a file with a piccy of Bryan, drooled a little and then it hit me. Bryan could be a great teacher! Keeping everyone in line, beating the crap out of those who's late for classes and stuff. But what would he teach? ... ... History? Naaah, history teacher's are hot though... Anyway, the best thing I could come up with is letting him show some dummies how to use the I-net. Coz some still think that Internet is the common word for swimming suit with a net inside, so it will be extra comfortable to swim. ...yeah... true story... Back to the subject, here u go, Bryan's word is you law :F_

Now. I am here to teach you what Internet is all about. ...First thing you do, is buy a computer I repeat a COMPUTER. It's a thingy that everyone should have, so if you don't have it then what the hell are you doing in my class. If you do have a computer, then you have to check if it's on. It is? Good. Now you should be able to see the E icon on your monitor. If you have one that means. Take the little thingy that everyone calls a mouse, don't ask me why coz I don't know, and double-click on the E icon. It's easy to find, it's kinda of a circular E, blue in color. When you double-click on the E icon a window should pop out. If the first thing that you see in there is: _Not found_, that means that _you_, you jackass forgot to actually pay for your freaking Internet connection. ...U go pay, I'll just wait here. Back already? Great. Now click on the Start button, in the left corner of your monitor. Click on _Control pad _or what it's called and look for an icon called _network connection_. Click there and follow the instructions below. Try with the E icon again. It's working? Finally goddammit, good thing I'm paid to sit here with you and spend my valuable time while I could screw Ra- cough I guess I got carried away a bit there, um, where were we?... Aha, yes, Now you're ready to hit the net! Congratulations!

_Ooookay, I'm finished with the first chapter, it's kinda like a prologue, hehe, I'm going to update real soon but I want some reviews plz, so if YOU are a nice person you will give me some :B Oh, and my English sucks, but hey, It's my third language, I'm only a third year student. So don't mind the various mistakes . _


	2. How to EMaIl By Bryan :B

_Let the story begin...! Um...! ...Yeah... Hehe... okay, thanx for everyone who reviewed (hope I'm spelling it right 8D) I got a few requests about what I should write about, the fav thing seems to be MSN, ;F okay, I'll put it in someday well, continue with the fic right?_

...You're here again? Oh k... Let's start our lesson then. I'll start with simply explaining to you what Internet is all about. Internet is a wonderful place, where you can find everything, from love to Elvis's toothbrushes. Mainly Internet is a proud host for PORN, yes you heard me right, Porn. Now if I see you downloading something during my classes I will shovel those glasses up your ass. Keep it in mind and don't tell your mom and dad about my little remark. Internet may be a very helpful thing when you need to find some info on some dude or dudette who died ages ago for your homework. Or to find some answers to any question you got there, like who killed Kennedy or who said meow (1). But mainly for porn and chatting with other people. So. The first thing anyone does when they start using the net is getting an e-mail. For those who don't know what it is, e-mail stands for electronic mail, I think, that makes sense doesn't it? With an e-mail you can send letters to people for free, and I guess that you bastards like getting everything for free, heh, two years in military and you'll- okay, calm down, take a deep breathe-

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Getting an e-mail address isn't as simple as it sounds like, lotsa people need help on this advanced piece of crap, and if you're not mentally prepared-

Random student: Cut the crap and get to the point!

Bryan: ... Why you little!

Random student: Ha! You can't do anything to me, I'm protected by the law!

Bryan: What law?

Random student: If you hit a student you'll be sent to jail!

Bryan: Oh really? Well I know where you live...

Random student: 'gulp'

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In order to get an e-mail you have to find out what country you live in. Every country has it's Internet domain, for example, if your registered on a Russian site the address always ends with .ru hehe, Poland's got .pl, Germany .de, Sweden .se and so on. You don't have to own only one e-mail, you can be like Kai and have five of em, one for spam, one for fanmail, one for virtafuck etc... I'm being all patriotic and getting myself rambler or yandex. I guess that you all are noobs so you can take your chances with hotmail. Second step, the hardest of em all actually is to come up with a name. Hehe... I remember that, it took me three days... the weirdest thing that even stroblitz was taken. ...so don't be frightened, other people on this planet have the same name as you. Unless your parent's hate you and named you Ashlamalahamasahalajan. ...But even then you have to be prepared for the worst... Now check if the name you selected is available. It is? That's great, you're free to do a happy-dance. But do not celebrate just yet! You still have to come up with a good password! Mine is 25 characters long, so be creative. When you're done with the password, just fill in the form below, don't be afraid to give your personal information it's just you and zillions of other people here. Are you done? Congrats, now you're just like me. But not as hot and famous though.

_(1) Who said meow is an inside Russian joke you'll have to be Russian to get it sorryez_

_WooT, it's done. Hehe. How did ya like Bryan's guide to E-mails? RxR plz and remember! Bry-Bry knows where you liiive... :F_


	3. How to CoMmUnIcAtE By Bryan :B

_Heh, you wanted me to update, didn't you? ...I hope...Thanx for all teh awesome reviews from ya guys! Now I'm gonna enter lotsa OC's here! DX NOOOOO, don't go away I was just kidding! I don't like involving OC's in fanfictions. Ruins all the mood and makes the fic hard to follow. Anyway, I had some problems with submitting this chappie. They said that I had a time out or something o.o now I'm teh nerdiest of teh nerdiest nerds eva so when they said that something was wrong with my server the first thought about this all was that this was revenge from my computer for installing opera and ditching Internet explorer :U...And if you have time, please answer me: Why the hell am I writing all this and not the chapter itself? ... :X_

_**Disclaimer: **(Well, everyone's got one so I have to put it in here too) **I do not own beyblade... not even a little bit... heh, guess if I got pwn3d now...**_

_**--This chapter is dedicated to my classmates and my teachers whom I might never see again after the summer ends and we all go our separate ways...--**_

As I said earlier: Are you still here?... Kidding. ...Why are you looking at me like that? Oh, right, I'm not supposed to be joking. Sorry. ...Why are you looking at me like that again?Aha, not to say 'sorry' either, got it I'll try to remember that. ...WHAT? STOP STEARING AT ME LIKE IF...Oh, just fuck off...

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Today I'm going to tell you how you can communicate with other peoplez. The first thing you must learn is to NEVER trust anyone, whatever they're saying they are lying. So login to that God forgotten chat were you're a member in and discard that 'I'm-17-I-like-dogs-and-after-school-I-like-to-spend-my-time-in-the-gym-and-go-to-my-yoga-classes-and-on-my-PETA-meetings-where-we-try-to-save-the-animals-and-we-should-totally-get-together-sometimes' boyfriend of yours, coz in real life it's just some 59 years old and 90 kg fat pedophile that wants to grope something. And of course who will forget the shemales and the rich wannabes. So the rule number one is: Everyone's out to get you.

Random student: NO! My boyfriend is for real! He even showed me a photo were he is really good looking!

Bryan: Heh, haven't you ever heard of the cheapest plastic surgeon in town? Adobe Photoshop?

Random student: Huh?...

Bryan: vv;; Forget it, what user does he have anyways?

Random girl: 2571fiverox... (2)

Bryan: OO WTF? Actually, why do I care, have fun on your date, ehum 'whistles'

Random girl: ...but...

Bryan: lalala

Random girl: öö

Bryan: 'random actions'

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For me, the best way to chat is through msn. You chat with those who you know, you have lotsa good features like webcam and stuff. It's easy to get it when you're registered at hotmail and I am here to help you, so don't worry. But msn isn't perfect. Well, you can't deny that it's not good looking and comfortable to use, but there are some annoying factors like all those various smileys that people annoy you with, the fact that you can't chat at the same time as your status is on 'show as offline' and that the only way to make someone understand that you're sick and tired of em is to block them. Not that I care that much. Heh, chatting with several people at the same time is fun... and it's better to virtafuck on msn. It just seems more...private?... But of course public chats are way better if you want to tell everyone to go to hell and screw themselves. I like to do that when I'm angry. Maybe that's the reason I've been banned from ptica...and nebo...and moskovskij chat...and russkij za granicej... 'sigh' I don't really bother, coz the first thing that anyone asks you is 'Hi do you wanna cyber :D ?' Psst, _ME_ virtafucking unknown people, please... They can't get laid even if they pay for it. I think we're getting a bit offtopic here. And yeah, chat's are so much better then forums coz you can't get offtopic! 8D In your face you fucking modds! U think you are so cool and you can decide what people can and can't do, well hear this! You are nothing! You don't have a life and you-

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Some simple commands for your msn, that I can remember right now, are: 'Archive' It's used for sending files, changing your status blah blah blah to logout and stuff. Then it's a thingy next to that that is called 'Contacts' there you can block those you don't like and add those you want to SPAM. I like to spam Kai, he gets angry and threatens to block me :P In order to tell you more about MSN I have to get up from my oh so comfortable chair and restart my computer, and you know that that will never happen because I'm feeling lazy all of a sudden so you just click on the 'help' thingy if you have some questions. He never did block me though. I never thought about the matter that we could actually get together. Naah, his type is so annoying and he likes Tala. And I like Ray. And he likes Tala. And I like Ray. ...End of story. He does have those cool tattoos on his stomach though. Wonder how does it feel to be embraced by teh mighty Kai Hiwatari. 'thinking'.

Random student: Boooooooriiiiiiiing...Bryan: Why do I get this feeling that someone will have his own funeral soon?

Random student 2: Um... Bryan sensei? (lol) Does... does Hiwatari-san have msn? 'deep blush'

Bryan: Yeah, like if I will tell you- actually yes, he does have one.

Random student 3: Bryan sensei? (LOL) maybe you... could...

Bryan: Say no more! 'writes something on a piece of paper' Here I have Kai's msn. The one who offers the best amount of dollars will be the lucky one chatting with oh so hot/cool/whateva Kai Hiwatari!

All male students: 'sigh'

All female students: OMFGI'M LIKETOTALLYGONNAGETHISMSN! 500$! NOYOUDON'TYOUBITCH! 700$! WTFI'MTHEONENOTYOU! ONE FREAKING THOUTHAND DOLLARS!

Bryan: OO; SOLD! C'mere and receive your prize!

Random student: ugh...thanx...hehe...

Bryan: ...I think you need to see a doctor about those bruises or something.

Random student: No thank you, every drop of blood that I've lost was so totally worth it...

Bryan: O.o ehum, oh k, I assume that we ran out of time so please shut down your computers and don't steal anything, I'm outta here...

_Hehehe, crazy fangirls, what do you do but lol at them? lol... Hey, this chapter is longer then my second chapter! Yaay! I hope you liked it plz RxR I'll be very happy :I_

_(2) XDDD Did you figure out who it was? NO! ...Oh k... ehum, I'll give ya a clue... If 2 the first letter is B and the last is A... what word am I thinking of? ...Still no? Okay, every number is a letter. so 2 B and 1 A! Simple no! OMFG HOW DUMB CAN U PIPL BE! IT'S BEGA! Yes, she was chatting with Boris XDDD sorry I just had to joke about him, I promise it won't happen again :F Btw, lolz to my new pen name BLIXT(en)! It means thunderbolt, or lightning, or... I dunno how you call it, but it's similar to Blitzkrieg so call me blixt(en)! Or else!_

_**Erik, Moritz, Malin, Simon, Fille, Johanna, Hampus, Elmsjö, Hannah, Albin, Biina, Lotta, Sebbe, Pauline, Chrille, Anna, Alida, Tyrone, Gugge, Hagström, Sabina I luv ya all guys, I hope everything turns out great for you and all your dreams, however retarded and emo they are will come true. Thank you for welcoming me to your class and letting me be your friend, you are truly awesome people! Again, thank you again for making me feel welcome here in Sweden and helping me forget about everything else. I guess that you don't even know how much does you friendship means to me and whatever will happen to you in these three years I'm sure that someday we will meet again and have fun like we used too. I just hope that you remember that you will always have a place in my heart. My best wishes, Alisa Kondratovich.**_


	4. How to DoWnLoAd By Bryan :B

_I Am Back. OMGWTHLOL. .. ...Not that anyone missed meh.. TT Oh and I've changed a lot. I do NOT ever say ''plz'' now. 8 month of Ragnarök online change people.. Oh my, I did forget a lot.. Let's seeeeeeeee, what can Bry-Bry teach us this time :P _

_**--Hi hi!bLIXTEN CAME BACK!Oh caps lock...Anyway,this Chapter is for all Bry fans out there--**_

Bryan is murmuring something while brushing his hair La-dee-da-deee Digli-deee dun-dundu.. ... ...HOW MUCH DID YOU SEE?? YOU LITTLE MAGGOTS I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOU AND- Oh! Welcome children, the bell is ringing, we have so much to learn!

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Yesterday, I found myself wondering, is sharing copyright material wrong? Ray sure says so. He is very strict when it comes to rules. That what makes him so cute and.. ... is sharing copyright material wrong? Some say it is... but 99 does just like me, they say: Fuck those rich bastards and download as much as you can, so their moneybags get thinner. It's not like I can't buy anything I wan't, I just hate those rich bastards who just record one song and live happily ever after. Grrrr...

Random student: But..sir... (...) They got famous thanks to their talant! We can not blame them for that..

Bryan: HOW DARE YOU NOT TO HAVE THE SAME OPINION THAT I DO!!1

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To perform those evil actions, you need some basic equipment, such as Limewire, Bearshare, E-mule etc. And then you hunt..Hunt for prey!!!11 I remember the first thing that I ever downloaded... It was a sunny day, I was thinking of how would I prance around picking flowers, while sitting on my ass looking for pr0n at the same time. And there it was, some random rape video. It was so cute, so I downloaded it. And got a visit from my really got friend, teh Trojan. That night Ray noticed that I was a little rough while.. ... ..while...peeling teh potatoes!.. Let us carry on.

I know how hard it is to choose what you want from hundreds of GB music and videos people upload every second. But as I told you earlier...my friends wait for you...but...schhh...)

_A little too..little xD But what the hey, there can't be too much of the good stuff.. If I get to say so.. :P RxR If you like this and you want Bry-Bry to kiss it for you Oo_


End file.
